ABC Australia 制作的 Conversations

00:01 I'm David Ma, host of Late Night Live on ABC Radio National, where we're still doing what we've done for nearly 40 years, examining what really matters in this changing world. 00:11 It's a power grab in advance. 00:14 And it felt fugitive, an alternative. And people were willing to take risks. Hear it now with four brand new episodes each week on the ABC Listen app. 00:29 ABC Listen, podcasts, radio, news, music and more. 00:36 Harney Watson is my guest on Conversations today, though Harney also goes by the name Bench Queen, given how good she is at lifting incredibly heavy weights. 00:48 The gym has been a big part of Harney's life ever since she was a little kid, looking at the big blokes in their tiny string singlets who worked out with her dad. 00:58 The gym was Harney's safe space through some really tough times in her teen years, and it's been a part of her recovery, mental and physical, following many painful medical procedures. 01:11 Today, Harney is a Paralympian, and she's off to Scotland to compete in her second Commonwealth Games. She won bronze the first time round. And a warning, we'll cover some tough stuff, so take care of yourself while listening. Hi, Harney. 01:28 G'day. So you're a champion in para powerlifting. For people who haven't heard of the sport, what is it? 01:35 You take a traditional bench press and you sort of make it so much longer. It's probably around about four metres long and it's about a metre and a half wide, narrows out where the head is. And you're strapped down. You don't have to be strapped down, but it makes it more safer because part of the rules is if your lower half of your body moves, it's a red light. So you've got to start and finish in the same position. 01:58 And, yeah, you sort of unrack the weight. You bring it down to your chest. It has to be a dead pause, like a motionless bar on your chest before you're allowed to press it. And then you've got to press it evenly with elbows locked out at the same time and then hold it before the ref gives you that command to re-rack it. 02:15 So, honey, I go to the gym and my personal best for bench pressing is 28 kilos. 02:22 That's fantastic. What do you press? Yeah. 02:26 Well, in training, I've gotten over 150 and this is a one rep max. In competition, it's like obviously a very, very difficult sort of like environment to lift in. The pressures and the stresses, 145 has been my best. 145 and 150, that is huge amount of weight. Yeah, well, you think about when I first did it at Com Games, I think I won bronze on 127. 02:51 So it's been big jumps over the last four years. I mean, if you look at the difference in the weight, it's very slow, but every one kilo, and I'm sure you'd appreciate, as soon as you put one kilo on, it feels like you've just slapped on a 20 kilo plate. So there's no cheating on a bench press like a deadlift and squat. So, yeah. 03:10 What are your earliest memories, honey, of being in a gym and, you know, of seeing people lift weights? Yeah. 03:16 I've always been in a gym. Like dad would always go to the gym. He had a gym at home and I would just sit there and watch him. I'd watch him bounce on a trampoline to get warmed up with his cardio. I'd see him sort of lifting heavy weights and he'd have his little rugby shorts on and a singlet tucked into his rugby shorts. I mean like that's pretty nerdy nowadays but I think about it like he was sort of clearing the way for a big like sort of dumbbell to sort of come up as he's doing bicep curls, that kind of stuff and I used to sit there on the floor in the gym out at Wynnum. 03:48 And yeah, like you said at the start, it was exactly that. It was permed hair. Blokes with really permed mullets and stringer Y-back singlets, very big showing off these massive lats and leggings that were always like, you know, striped leggings. It was a very iconic look. And I just was so drawn to it because I was just like, yeah, I want big muscles like my dad. 04:09 Did your dad have a perm? 04:11 No, well, you know, his was a permanent perm because he had an afro. He had the OG perm. Yeah, he had the OG natural perm. 04:20 You were born in New Zealand. Who was in your family when you came along? 04:25 I have five brothers that are all older than me and obviously mum, dad, and then there was me. The only girl. Yeah. The only girl. 04:34 So was that a big cause of celebration to have a girl in the family finally? 04:38 Well, I know that my dad was super excited. I think culturally it's also the women are very much celebrated in terms of my culture of a New Way Island and stuff. And, you know, when I was born, I was 12 pounds and my mum is like five foot tall. And she was a tiny little Scottish lady, right? It's a little white little Scottish lady. So she could barely carry me. And so she'd be like on the side trying to get me off of the diaphragm. I had my feet tucking up in her ribs. And she would just tickle me and stuff. And then she said I shot out like a cannon, you know? 05:10 Well, I like to describe it as I fell out of the coconut tree. And then she came along and she found me. 05:16 And, you know, so then she thought naturally I was going to be a boy. 05:19 And she was getting prepared for that. She never saw me. And then hours and hours later, she was like, oh, my God, I actually had a girl. 05:27 When you were still pretty little, your mum and dad split up. Where did you live first off when that happened? 05:34 Well, we were back in Australia when I was quite young, when I was a baby, and we were living out at Hemet, so still Wynnum Bayside area. 05:43 They split up. Dad went to Springbrook, and Mum stayed in Wynnum. So we lived out near the water along the Esplanade. So I was pretty lucky to have a childhood out in that beautiful bay where I'd, you know, get my bike, have my dog in the basket, off I go. 05:59 And so riding your bike, running around with your dog's Physically, how were your legs when you were a little kid? 06:05 When I was a kid, it wasn't a thing. It wasn't something that we talked about. I thought it was normal. 06:12 You know, only when I got to sort of going to primary school... 06:15 that some kids were like, you're big, you're sort of like big kid. And I wasn't a fat kid by any means, but I was bigger than most, I was stronger than most. And then I had a bit of a waddle. So primary school was generally okay. And then I sort of noticed there was something wrong when pain started kicking in. I'm not fast enough when it came to, you wouldn't want to be on the 400 metre relay team with me. You were going to be dead last. So yeah, I'd be the last person picked. Yeah. One of those, but pain, pain become an issue. 06:48 And I remember my mum taking me to the doctors and the doctors were like, what's that? 06:54 And I'd severely bowed legs. And I was just thinking, what's what? And they were like, can you walk down the hallways of these medical centres? Let's try and figure it out. 07:03 And yeah, so then they sent me to the children's hospital at Marta. 07:07 And they were trying to sort of figure out what's caused the severe bowing in my legs from top to bottom and how do we fix it, essentially. 07:15 Well, you first had surgery at primary school. Yeah. Yeah. So what was that? What procedure did you go through as a kid? Yeah. There was two different procedures I could choose and mum didn't know which one to do. So one was to break the legs and cast them and hope that they would regrow straight. That would have meant me to be in ICU in hospital for quite a long time and to repeat school. All right, so alarm bells are ringing for me as a little kid at 10 years of age. And then so the other surgery we could do was take the growth plates out of your legs. 07:48 So the growth plates is what makes you tall when you grow. They calcify over and then eventually they just stop and it becomes a solid bone. I chose the other option because it meant I was in hospital for maybe about a week and then I go home for a couple of weeks and then back to school. 08:03 What about being in that hospital? I mean, even for a week, that's a long time for a kid. What do you remember about it? 08:11 It was pretty terrifying. It was sort of like, you didn't have your mum there. I remember it clear as day when I went in for surgery, mum went off to work and she said, I'll see you this afternoon. And I remember coming out of recovery on my side and I remember seeing her sitting on a chair in recovery and she had the biggest smile on her face and she was giggling because obviously she's got a 10-year-old daughter that's off her face. 08:39 and that's what she was probably giggling at, you know, and she's just, she's in her work gear, and I remember it, and then I remember getting pushed off into this little kids' ward, and I had to transfer over from one bed to the other, and without thinking, I've just leapt up, and I've gone, and I remember all the nurses and doctors going, oh, my God, stop, don't move, and I'm just like, what? Obviously, the meds were still going, you know, I wasn't in a lot of pain at that point, but... 09:03 I remember being stuck in this area with so many kids that are crying, all different ages. I had a young boy in a cot next to me. He would be no more than maybe two with his legs were all broken and then rebraced in plaster. He'd be crying all day. 09:23 all night. 09:24 And I remember just sitting there going, far out, this poor kid, this, you know, he's just, no parents sort of coming, whatever, what's going on. But I would sit there and I would sing to him. I'd roll over and I'd sing to this little boy and he'd go back to sleep. What would you sing? Twinkle, twinkle, little sat and you are my sunshine. I made friends with another girl that her hamstrings hadn't had to be cut and then basically re-stitched back so that she could have legs that were straight and that weren't bent back on her, basically underneath her. I remember those particular two because I remember her mum and they came from North Queensland and that she would always stop by and say g'day to me because she knew my mum was working and, you know, obviously dad wasn't around at that point. 10:07 She'd always have a chat. She'd always stay connected with me and that kind of stuff because it was scary being there all alone. 10:14 So did that surgery have the effect doctors hoped it would? What was it like once you made it out of hospital and were back home? Was anything different? 10:22 They just wanted to stop my legs from going and getting any worse. You know, getting into a wheelchair faster gave me a bit of a chance to basically sort of like have some sort of life. really, because they couldn't figure it out. Most bone legs were called rickets. That's a vitamin D deficiency. 10:43 That's not what caused mine. They tried to figure out whether or not it was family genetics. Nothing. 10:49 So back at home, while this was going on, you know, you had this surgery, you were back at home living with your mum and your brothers. What sort of jobs did you have as a kid in primary school? What responsibilities did you have at home? 11:03 As the youngest and as the only girl in the family and mum was sort of doing, you know, night shift and working, even though I had older brothers and that kind of stuff, I had to do all the cooking and cleaning. From what age, honey? Ten years. 11:22 10. I was very, very young. So my mum gave me her FPOS card and I'd be at school. I would go from school, I'd go to Coles across the street, which is still there. 11:34 And I'd take my brother Jeremy, he was two years older than me, over to go and get mum's grocery shopping. And when that would happen, mum would say like, if it was only a few items, we'd walk back home with them. If it was more than that, she'd let me taxi home. I would do all the cooking and The boys, their jobs were essentially to do the yard work, whippersnippering and mowing, and then to do the dishes at night. So I didn't have to do the dishes, but I had to do all the cleaning, cooking, making sure the sheets were done, everyone's washing was on the line and off the line. 12:08 I don't know if you know, like when you've got a young kid like my height at that age trying to reach that washing line, the old hill choice out in the backyard, it was hard. I had to go and try and find a spot on the yard that was the shortest spot possible and spin it around. 12:23 That's what happened. 12:23 But yeah, I think that was, yeah, what mum sort of did was just that, you know, you had to grow up faster. This is what you need to do. I trust you to make sure you get these tasks done. I think that's what it came down to. 12:37 What about life at school for you by the time you were at high school? 12:42 High school was, it was hard, I think. You know, high school for me, I was an A-plus student. Loved school. Music drove me in grade eight because before that I learned how to play the guitar and found that love of music. My mum and I loved country music. Anyway, so then grade eight come along, music became like a subject that I became very passionate about and sport as well as much as I possibly could. 13:12 When I was at my first high school, got into the wrong crowds eventually by grade nine. 13:18 What happened after a school camp in grade nine? 13:23 There was these like two, maybe the half weeks where all of the churches would get together and you paid like a gold coin or whatever it was to do these activities and stuff. And I got to meet a lot of different kids from other different schools and all that kind of stuff. 13:42 What I would have thought, popular kids. 13:45 And when I was in grade eight and nine, I got teased a lot because of my legs and how I walked. And I tried so hard to not have a waddle, try to fix that gait. And it was heartbreaking for me. A lot of us get teased, unfortunately. And I thought, you know, like, let's get in with the cool kids and stuff, you know. And unfortunately, I sort of was used as... 14:09 naive me, as a bit of a drug mule. What do you mean? 14:14 So, in my backpack, other kids would put stuff in there, just carry it, and... 14:23 I didn't know what it was. I was just carrying it and I was just told it was popular. Popular to just sort of be a part of this group and just carry it. It's all good. It's fine. You know, we'll just go to your bag during lunchtime and that kind of stuff. And I didn't think anything of it. And I think word got around school that essentially I was carrying marijuana. 14:48 And again, I didn't know what it was or never tried it because, again, I was an A-plus student, music student, sports student. Then I got sort of one kid decided to say, hey, Harney, to the deputy principal, she's carrying drugs. 15:03 What happened after that? I was pulled out of school. 15:08 Well, I had my class and there was these detectives at the principal's office and they were like, where's your bag? We want to search your bag. And at the time there was nothing in there, but there were traces amounts. 15:24 There were traces of, you call it seeds and stuff. And I was like, well, what's going on? 15:30 What's happening here? Again, it's flying over my head. 15:34 And the gravity of it all started coming forward. And then they pulled these little tiny seats and they said, do you know what these are? And I said, no. And they said, do you know what marijuana is? I'm like, no. 15:46 And they would explain it to me. And then they'd sit me down and they said, right, we want you to tell us every single person that's involved. 15:57 I was like, okay. 15:59 I didn't think anything of it. 16:01 I pretty much just snitched on every single person that I considered was even the good friends and the bad people. 16:09 And there was a lot of people, unfortunately, that all got the same punishment as basically what I did. We all got expelled. And again, I'm just like, what's going on? What's happening here? 16:22 So where did you go to school after that? 16:25 Well, I was allowed to go to Cooparoo Secondary College. That was a leading music school, drama and arts, as well as sports. So they allowed me to sort of go there. I met the principal there. He said, you know, one strike, you're out. And he goes, I don't think I'm going to have a problem with you because I've seen your grades and I've spoken to your teachers and you've come basically highly commended. 16:50 So did that feel like a second chance for you? Pretty much. 16:54 went into grade 10, And I just, you know, head down and bum up. 16:59 And I was just nailing it, you know, school and being a part of so much, you know, the Australian National Choir, you know, the Women's Voice Choir at that school. We'd tour a lot, you know. We started bands at school. I was a part of, like, the jazz band at school. You know, just loving it, absolutely loving it. You know, I became the house captain, sports captain, you know, at school. Did athletics, that kind of stuff. And then, you know, sort of grade 12 hit. 17:27 What happened in grade 12? 17:29 Well, just before I hit grade 12, I remember coming home from school. Mum, she said, your brothers have gone to Adam's house and you're going there too now. 17:43 And I was like, what? 17:44 What's going on? She was kicking you out? Yeah, she was kicking me out. 17:50 And I just thought, well, hang on, like, what's happening? She said, no, just back up your stuff and you're going over to your brother out of my house. So I was like, oh, okay. And then he came over and he picked me up. And then sort of mum had like a bit of a mental breakdown. 18:07 Had she struggled with her mental health before or was this all totally new for you? 18:11 Well, you know... 18:13 I look at it now as a much older person, you know, when, you know, mum and I still, you know, when she was still alive and I would say to her mum, you know, you've got PTSD, you've got anxiety and you've got, you know, trauma that you've never dealt with. I remember all of it as a kid, the trauma of you being assaulted by my father. So as much as I love my dad, I hate that he did that. 18:39 And mum having that mental breakdown in grade 12. And I was just like, okay, that's okay. I've got my brothers. Mum just needs a bit of time. 18:49 So I remember going to my brother's house and they all had a room in a three bedroom house, but I had a mattress on the floor in the garage. 18:58 And with red back spiders, all that kind of stuff. 19:02 They're all graduated school and I'm just still finishing it off. 19:08 And I remember saying to my brother, Adam, I said, I can't stay in the garage. And he said, I'll just drag the mattress into the, you know, the lounge room and sleep in there instead and that's what I would do but them being in their early 20s there was you know parties all the time they'd play board games until 4am in the morning if not until sunrise so I actually wasn't getting any sleep and I made that decision to look up the Wyndham Herald and say I need to I need to get out of this house I need to find a shared house how do I how do I do this I went to Centrelink and got what's called a living away from home allowance. 19:44 But I had to prove to them that mum wasn't under her care anymore or anyone else's care in my family. 19:53 So yeah, so I shared a house with a young man that worked in a pizza place. 19:58 And the very little money that I did get from Centrelink was pretty much what paid for a roof over my head and a bed. 20:05 Did any of your teachers at school know what was going on? 20:08 Yeah, they knew. 20:10 They knew. And, you know, I sit here a little bit upset now because it's like, where were they? Where was child safety? 20:22 Because I'm, like, not even 15 yet. 20:26 And this is sort of unfolding. And all I can think of was, like, all I wanted to do was just to graduate school. 20:32 My mum didn't graduate. You know, my dad, you know, and I said, I don't want to just be one of those people that don't, provide to society or it becomes a burden to society and I was just like no I'm not gonna let this happen I mean like there were times where I went without food and my housemate was kind enough to bring me back you know a pizza or two and I would ration that out And then my principal, he sort of stepped in and he, I don't know, I don't even know what he thought he could do, but he said, I know what's going on, but here's the keys to the gym, for the school that they just newly built. 21:15 And he said, you know, if it's going to help, come, just come to school, go to the gym. 21:24 Have a shower. Here's another key to the shower block. You know, you leave your stuff in there. Go to school. 21:31 Go home. 21:32 And did you do that? Yeah. 21:34 Yeah. And that's the saving grace, I think. You know, Principal Brennan, him doing that kept me focused, kept me sort of getting up every day because it could have been a very different turn of events for me. I could have just went, no, stuff it. I'm just going to get alcohol and take up smoking. I could just go party and run amok. I could do crime in the streets, you know. 22:00 That's what could have happened. But that gym was a focus for you? Yeah, I was determined to sort of stay going somewhere, somewhere that felt safe for me, somewhere I felt connected. 22:12 Honey, the same year as you moved out of your brother's house, you got a phone call about a party. Tell me about that. 22:21 My friends, their mum rung me and said, look, they want to go to this party. 22:29 But I told them they can't go unless you're going because I was the more grown-up one out of all of the people. I'm like, it was a Year 11, Year 12 party, and I said, no, no, I'm not interested in going. 22:43 And they got on the phone. Peer pressure, you know, half an hour later, I said, fine, I'll go. I like these girls. I want to make sure they stay safe. So we travelled out. 22:57 Went to the party. 22:59 I didn't drink or anything like that. I was pretty much their chaperone. 23:04 And then someone pulled out a joint. It was one of my friends. 23:09 And I was like, oh, no, no, I'm fine. And we sat around and we just like, you know, breathing it in. And then I was like, oh, yeah, I'll try it. I'll try it. 23:19 And had a bit of it. 23:21 And I'm not proud of that, but it is what it is. It's curiosity, I suppose. 23:27 And I said to my friend to their house, I said, I'm a bit tired. Can I go and crash on your bed or wherever? And they said, oh, we've got to run upstream downstairs. 23:38 Stay down there. And I said, can I make a phone call to my girlfriend? 23:43 She said, yeah, don't worry. So I did that, rung my girlfriend at the time, and I said, hey, I'm going to be staying here. I'm not going back to my place. I just want to let you know. 23:52 Have a good, you know, see you in a couple of days or whatever. And they're like, you know, and then I went and crashed on this couch in this rumpus room. 24:00 I slid the door shut. 24:02 Everyone was still partying. 24:04 And then I don't know how many hours later it could have been, but I woke up on the floor with just the light of the door, of the backyard coming through, lighting up this man's face above me, and I was being assaulted. 24:23 And it happened so quickly and so fast. 24:30 And I remember going up to the kitchen and telling my best friend, my male friend at the time, what happened. 24:39 And he got so angry. 24:42 And the girls were aware of what happened because I sat there and I remember sitting there in that kitchen floor in shock. 24:49 They rung their mother, who was the mother that asked me to chaperone. 24:54 She came. She was a nurse. 24:57 She came, and she knew I wasn't living under mum's care, so she took me back to her home. And, you know, I remember sitting in the hottest bath known to me because I felt so incredibly violated. 25:12 And she took me back to my mum, sat down with my mum and told her what happened. 25:21 I felt ashamed... 25:25 I remember my head down and then my mum come up to me and she's just, I remember the first thing she just said, she's just like, I need to ask the question. Are you sure you just weren't experimenting? 25:38 And I remember saying to her, I said, who do you think this person is? I said, that's my girlfriend. 25:46 And I remember her looking at me and she sort of smiled and she goes, I thought so. 25:50 Okay. 25:52 She said, I've got it from here. 25:55 And I just remember being protected by her again, obviously taken to detectives, statements taken, taken to hospitals. 26:07 And then I went back to my house and it was all a blur. It was all an incredible blur, but I knew that my mum was working in the background. 26:24 You're listening to Conversations with Sarah Konosky. Hear more conversations anytime on the ABC Listen app. 26:50 Honey, after you survived that assault in high school, you moved to Sydney. What made you come back to Brisbane? 26:58 After being in Sydney for a few years... 27:01 And, you know, my dad passing away, looking after him. I had this massive connection to come back, to come back after a few years and just be with mum. 27:10 First job I got coming back was working for Australia Post as one of their senior investigators. 27:16 And it was in my early 20s. 27:19 What's a senior investigator? 27:21 Oh, we're the ones that try and find the impossible. 27:24 You post the letter, I'm going to find it. 27:27 I need you on speed dial. That would be right. 27:30 Well, tracking is like such a big thing these days, you know, but back then you couldn't find anything if you didn't put a tracking number on it. But a lot of things that people would mail like the most sensitive things from war medals and don't register it. And then I'm that person that is that determined to find it no matter what. It's got to be somewhere in the network. And that was my job. 27:56 So in these years, as you kind of got this professional life happening, what place did the gym have in your life? 28:05 Gym sort of took a bit of a backseat there for a little while, but eventually sort of it came back in again after coming out of a very toxic relationship. 28:13 So the first thing I did was I went and got a Fitness First membership at Wynnum Plaza because that gym that I used to go back to in Wynnum didn't exist anymore. 28:22 And I just went, you know, went there every day after work. I always had no excuse. I'd take a gym bag with me to work. I would get changed at work. And I would not go home until I've gone to the gym and done what I needed to do. And then I'm allowed to go home and then have a shower and rest for the night. And that... took me from being 140 kilos back down to 89 kilos. 28:47 I'm very unhealthy weight, back to a healthy weight, and I sort of like was happier again. A year and a half sort of went past, still kept going to the gym, and then at that time I met my, she was, you know, to be my wife, and then continued this relationship with her for over, you know, 10 years. I still stayed in the gym, had... a ton of surgeries when I was with her. Well, tell me about that. 29:14 Like, were you in pain with your legs at this point? 29:17 Yeah. So a doctor once pointed at my legs and just went, what are you doing with those? 29:24 I said, excuse me. 29:27 And he told me who he was and his specialty and fixing deformities and that kind of stuff. I said, well, I'm about 31 now. I promised myself I didn't do anything by 30. I'm not going to do anything. Stop it. 29:40 And he went, no, no, let me talk to you about it. So he grabbed a coffee. I said, all right, let's do the tests, the MRIs, the EOS scans and all that kind of stuff. And then he sat me down and he said, this is what I want to do. 29:52 And I'm going to do a double osteotomy, tibial and femoral. What does that mean? 29:58 So he breaks the, depending on where the bowing was and how severe it was on the bone of the femur and the tibia, he would then break it, slice it, offset it, put a bone graft in, slap some plates up the sides of the bones and drill it all into place. And then eventually, with movement, your collagen, which is your bone, should throw and then reconnect that bone back together. 30:23 So yeah, that sounds intense, right? It was. And were they done separately, your two legs? Yeah, the first leg was the left leg. And then after eight months, it still wasn't, I thought I was about to lose it. It wasn't growing. 30:38 And then eventually they allowed me to go back to the gym. 30:44 So I said, let me go back because I was non-weight bearing for about eight to nine months at that time. And I said, let me just figure it out. I'm putting pressure through the bone, which is held together by plate. So the bone's completely separated. So the pain you're feeling in the thigh bone and your knee was pretty extraordinary and pretty breathtaking. But I was determined that by the sheer sort of like reading up on... on the internet that if that compound pressure through your bones should make them want to grow and that's exactly what happened they started throwing i'm like yay so then after about um about six or seven months the bones had reconnected they started sort of getting a lot stronger i was on crutches and then they said right let's do the second leg i was like oh far out Second leg was a little bit better because we knew what we were walking into. 31:37 And then once both legs were done, they were done. So it was just about being in the gym, trying to figure out how to get my gait correctly, walk correctly, make them stronger. 31:49 And then that's how I sort of got into powerlifting was because I wanted to have something that measured my progress properly. 31:56 What happened one day in 2019 after powerlifting had become part of your life? 32:02 Everything kind of went pear-shaped one day where I couldn't walk. I collapsed and they took my plate and metalwork out of my left femur. 32:14 And after that, they did that. It was a bit of a guess about where the pain was. And they took it out and they said, all right, see if you can walk. And I could walk. And they went, oh, damn. So they just kept watching my legs under scans and they could see the bones moving and growing in the opposite direction of where they wanted them to go. 32:32 Gosh, so despite that surgery, your legs were still growing the way they always had. Did they know why yet? Was there a diagnosis? 32:40 My surgeon, he just went, you know, you have a genetic predisposition for your legs wanting to be bowed. Had I known that in the first place, I would never have done this to you. 32:50 So I then walked away with a failed surgery. Not quite walked away, but we're on wheels now. But, you know, but... It happened. I know that, you know, he would never do me any harm, but we gave it a shot. We gave it a go. And I say to him still to this day, I said, mate, you made me a Paralympian. I became so disabled, I get to be a Paralympian. I said, not everyone gets to say that. It's quite unique. 33:15 So these surgeries hadn't worked. Your legs were growing in the same way they always had. What did your wife suggest to you in 2020? Yeah. 33:24 She sort of said to me, NDIS exists for a reason. 33:29 And I was like, no, I'm working. I can't manage. There's other people out there that need it way more than what I do. 33:36 But it was getting to a point where everything was a struggle, you know, but I was that stubborn, that stubborn Scottishness, I think, that comes into play. That was like just ringing, nope, everyone else needs it more, they need it more, they need it more. But then my partner was like, I need you to get it because, you know, we don't get to go out and do meaningful things together because you're so exhausted. You're incredibly exhausted. You go to work, you come home, you have a nap because you're in pain. You wake up and then you're no longer in pain because your body's rested and then you keep pushing yourself until you're exhausted and then you're just out like a light. 34:13 You're constant fatigued. So she said, I need you to apply for NDIS. And then I spoke to about maybe four other surgeons along that pathway. I said, what could you do to try and fix these legs? And they were like, nothing. 34:26 take the conservative approach, get in a wheelchair. 34:30 So this is why you see me sometimes on crutches, sometimes hobbling, sometimes in the chair. Again, it's that stubbornness where I'm like, no, I can take a few steps, she'll be fine, you know, but then I pay for it later. But that's what happened. So she forced me to do it. I didn't think that I deserved it, but NDIS said, no, you need help. 34:49 And once you started using the chair, what did that feel like? Freedom. Freedom. 34:56 Freedom. 34:58 It was such an incredible moment because I love going to Bunnings. 35:07 That's a typical thespian thing, isn't it? 35:11 But I love going to Bunnings. I like being handsy and that kind of stuff and building things and all that kind of stuff. But I could finally go around a shopping centre and take my time and not sit there and look at the time and go, no, I've had enough. Now it's been 20 minutes. I need to sit down. Hang on a sec. And, you know, everywhere I'd go, I have to go take a seat, take a seat for every 20 minutes. Now I can just like zoom off. It got to a point where I almost... Go each of those aisles one by one. Pretty much. You were stuck with me for hours. hours man I'm zooming zooming along the freedom that I had you know and then people would lose me and they'd say you need a pole with a flag because we can't see you now and then as you say this opened up a whole new professional or whole new athletic career for you how did that take off That's it again when another man comes into my life. 36:02 I'm like, who are you? Well, with Simon Bergner, he's a coach, ex-pro golfer and skier and everything extraordinaire. He contacted me just as a random phone call and he said, like, you've got a disability and you can bench press and you're Australia's strongest bench presser. I think I've got a sport that you can do if you're interested. And I was like, okay, again, who are you? 36:26 Because I need you to get classified. 36:29 And I said, okay, and send me all your medical information. Here's my email. And stupid me, and again, I've not met this bloke. I've just gone and sent it. 36:39 I'm trusting. I think I'm too trusting. I've just gone and sent it to him. A couple of months had gone by, and I went, oh, hang on. What have I just done? Who is this dude? Anyway, I contacted him. I said, don't worry about it. And he goes, no, no, no, we're still working on it. And I didn't ask him until just recently. I said, what were you doing for all those months? He sent it to Tim Matthews at Paralympics Australia, who's like the talent ID guru. He was also Australia's gold medalist and sprinter. He was working on it to get a physiotherapist who was classified for para powerlifting. 37:10 And essentially, I saw her and then we got it classified and she said, yeah, 100%, you can do the sport. And classified what? 37:17 That means you've got to be at a certain level of disability to be eligible or what? 37:21 Yeah, so every sport you see at the Paralympics, you have to be classified. So it sort of creates the level playing field for that particular sport or that level of sport. So para-paralifting is your lower legs, no good, that's it, or your short stature and like cerebral palsy. It could be like spinal bifida. It could be something that is impaired to your legs, essentially, amputees, that kind of stuff. So I sort of just got over the classification. I was like, yay. 37:52 I got the sport I can do now. 37:53 So once you started working with Simon, what happened? 37:57 Well, it was sort of just, I did a competition with him in 2021. It was May at Sporting Wheelies, the Brisbane Classic. I got Best Lifter in gold. And then he's like, uh-huh. He was like, you can see the smile on his face. And he's like, I've got some. And then like four months later, I think, we went to our first Worlds. 38:17 And, like, I didn't know the pathway of Commonwealth Games or getting to the Paralympic Games or anything. He just told me what I needed to do and he just told me what competitions I needed to shop. I said, no worries, I'll be there. And so we went to... So what training were you doing? 38:32 What did he do with your training schedule? 38:34 Well, I don't know. I had a little gym at home. So my wife at the time allowed me to have the little rumpus room downstairs because, you know, COVID was still a thing back then, right? And I used to go to little powerlifting gyms, but then when COVID hit, I acquired gym equipment and I had my own sort of space of benches and weights and everything I needed to keep training and keep doing what I love doing. 38:57 And so he programmed me. So this is what you need to focus on. I know you know how to program yourself, but this parabenching is like sort of very different, very different how the bar path moves and that kind of stuff. So he would come up and sort of see me. 39:12 I do the competitions. We went to Worlds. I did my first sort of international event. That was really scary. That was when COVID bubbles was still a thing and you're coming home into a COVID bubble. 39:24 And then, yeah, so then the next one after that was Asia Regional Oceanias. And then I think before that, that's when I knew I had qualified for the Commonwealth Games for Birmingham. And I was like, wow, we did this in eight months. That's cool. 39:39 Eight months and you were in the Commonwealth Games. 39:41 Yeah. And I was like 39 at the time. And I'm just like, this is wild. So, yeah. Yeah. 39:48 Before the 2022 Commonwealth Games in Birmingham, you competed at another event that would put you on track for the Paralympics. What happened at that competition? 40:01 On the very last day of that particular competition, I was assaulted. 40:06 Now, I know you're all going to be sitting there thinking, how is she getting herself into these situations? 40:12 This one was a horrific one. This is me protecting another athlete. 40:17 and being drugged, and thinking you could celebrate with other countries. 40:23 This story was kept quiet so that the noise wouldn't affect my performance at Birmingham, and I'm very thankful because essentially that noise, I don't think I would have then gone, and that opportunity would not be there. 40:38 And me winning bronze essentially became that critical moment for sport and para-powerlifting because it then injected all this funding in it. 40:51 The first woman to medal, the first medal break in 16 years for this sport. 40:59 So with... 41:00 me doing this great sport and becoming on this Paralympic journey and all of these things so there's this constant sort of like these things happening in the background to me trying to survive I don't remember a lot of Birmingham because I'm trying to survive I'm just trying to survive that moment and they're all just like they're all watching and making sure I don't snap you know and that was a very hard time for me 41:26 That was also when your mum became unwell. What was she sick with? 41:32 I knew that she had cancer for the fourth time in her life, and this was metastatic breast cancer. 41:41 And so, yes, I separated from my wife, but then I went to my mum, and I became her full-time carer, and I continued on that pathway of wanting to get to the Paralympics Paris. 41:54 I sort of took over mum's care and then QVAD came into, that's the Queensland Voluntary Assisted Dying, came into play in 2023. She was one of the first patients to be given that right and it was my job to make sure that she got her wish and not to die in hospital. So I was her support. I had to make sure I was aware of how to handle that process and that procedure and still train. 42:20 And I remember I'd be carrying her through the house. So despite the fact my legs don't work, don't ask me to start a removal, it's company now. But my legs not working very properly, I had to bear that pain to carry my mum and turn my mum in bed until she was ready. You know, cancer was really, it's horrible to see her deteriorate into 41 kilos of a skeleton. 42:45 And I remember her saying to me, she goes, lucky my daughter is strong. Hmm. 42:51 The two of you had been through a lot together, you know, your relationship had had some really tough times. What were things like by the end with your mum? 43:01 Mum and I had such an incredible connection by then. 43:05 We talked a lot about her past, my past, my salt. 43:14 And she used to say to me, because I never wished ever for you to experience what I've experienced in life. 43:24 And I used to say that it is what it is. And we talked a lot about how she treated me growing up. 43:32 And she apologised. 43:34 She goes, I know I did wrong. 43:36 And I said, you know, mum, I said, I think, you know, you're a human being. We make mistakes. And I said, I've never stopped loving you. I've never blamed you for anything. 43:47 And I said, I forgive you because you're human. 43:50 And I said, you're my mum. I said, I'm always going to love you, mum. You know? 43:54 So we had a very solid connection by the end of it. 43:59 And then when she finally made that decision to go through the QFAD process and having to set all of it up, you got all these little medications that are timed and I had to make sure my friend was there who was a registered nurse and And I remember because she couldn't hold herself up because her ribs were breaking, her spine was breaking. So I held her in my arms and then she held the glass just enough to be able to drink this liquid. 44:31 It was pretty fast, but I had to hold her in my arms so that she'd have to sit upright and then I could just feel her drift away and go to sleep. 44:42 So after losing your mum, you were still on track to go to the Paralympics in Paris in 2024. Was sport and competing a kind of a refuge, like a safe space? 44:59 It saved my life. 45:01 Having to go through an assault and then the highs and lows of games, coming back and losing your wife and then losing your mum. 45:13 especially losing your mum, all in a span of like eight months, it broke me. 45:22 And there were some very dark days, very dark days where I didn't think I was going to survive it. 45:31 But then there was Simon. 45:33 He was there always in my corner. He said, you've got this. I've got you. I've got you. I'm right beside you. He might be all the way down to Wollongong, but I knew he was right beside me, 100% of the way. 45:45 Your mum made her presence felt through some music at the Paralympics. 45:50 How did that play out? 45:52 I remember when I was training out in the garage and I remember the song Tick, Tick, Boom came on and my mum would come out with a wheelie walker and she'd sit on one of my second benches and she'd be jiggling about and, you know, bopping around and stuff. She goes, I really like this song. And I remember her saying to me, she goes, you know, I'm sorry I won't make it to your next competition. I won't be around. I won't make it for Paris, but I promise you I'll be on that platform. 46:20 And that third lift that I did, and that song was playing... 46:24 My focus went straight out the door. I'm like, there she is. 46:30 You know, so it was an unbelievable moment. And I remember there's an iconic photo of me after that third lift. And, you know, I didn't make it on that third lift, but I sat up and I gave myself a round of applause. And I said, I gave coach a round of applause. I said, we did it, bro. 46:47 We got here and we did it. We came, we saw, we conquered. 46:52 And it's not over because soon you're going to head off to Glasgow for the Commonwealth Games. 46:58 Another one. I wouldn't have thought that was ever possible because, you know, when I thought back to Birmingham and I was like, I don't think I should go after all of Wales endured and everyone said, you know, go because you'll never get this opportunity again. Bang, it's here again. 47:14 Four years later, we're here again and we're defending my title. We're going to chase the big dog. 47:21 We're going to chase this Nigerian down. I've got two Nigerians that I'm up against and I don't know what they eat over in their country, but I need to know their secret. 47:30 I love them. I love them like sisters, you know, but it's a great opportunity. I get to see the Oceania guys come out, you know, and we support them heaps here in Australia. You know, I just love the sport that much because when people push a heavy amount of weight, it's almost like a sigh of relief. It's a proud moment that you see everyone and they smile because it's a great energy to be a part of when you watch people lifting like three times their body weight. Now, I'm a heavyset woman. I'm not pushing three times my head. body weight, but I've certainly pushed on a lot, you know, but it's great to see people hit PVs, push past barriers and realise I can do better. 48:09 How do you manage the mental stress and the pressure that's obviously there probably even more because you've meddled in a previous game? Like, what's your head game like at the moment? 48:18 Oh, I was asked this question yesterday and I just, my eyes went like a deer in headlights. I'm like, pressure? And it started to twitch. You know, what pressure? What are you talking about? Yeah. 48:27 It's definitely there, you know, the expectation of having to meddle again and defend your title, that kind of stuff. It's, at the end of the day, qualifying is the hardest part. 48:40 getting on that platform, I'm going to do the best I can. And I know I'll be on that podium. What colour it's going to be, I have no idea, but I know that I'm very, very strong right now and I'm very proud of the hard work that we've put in and I'm excited to hit some big numbers. 48:58 Do you have any rituals in the day before or the day of a cop? What will we find you doing just before you... 49:08 So my mum's ashes is independent and that goes in Simon's pocket. So when you see Simon on that platform, my mum is in his pocket. 49:18 And he loves that little charm. So, you know, I said, you know, mum's always on the platform with us now. And I sit on the end of that bench and, you know, I asked my mum and my dad to give me that strength that they, you know, I was born with and help me to lift that bar. 49:33 We wish you such good luck, whatever happens. It's, I think I'm allowed to say we're proud of you. Are you allowed to say that to an athlete? I think so. 49:42 Whatever happens, Australia is very proud. Thank you so much for being my guest on Conversations. Thank you. Hani Watson, Paralympic powerlifter, was my guest on Conversations today. And Hani is in Glasgow right now competing in the Commonwealth Games. And we wish her all the best. Today's episode was recorded on the lands of the Tarable and Yagra peoples. The producer was Alice Moldovan. Our executive producer is Nicola Harrison. I'm Sarah Konosky. Thanks for listening. 50:19 You've been listening to a podcast of Conversations. 50:24 For more Conversations episodes, head to ABC Listen or wherever you get your podcasts.